This was my second time through this book; the first time was over a decade ago and I felt it changed my life then. I’ve recommended it to many patients since, but felt it was time to go back through it now.

For me, the biggest takeaway was the clear delineation between what is under my control, and what is not, and also what is my responsibility, and what is not. For me certainly, and I think for many others, the desires and demands of others seem like our responsibility to fulfill, but they are not, and putting this in so many words was very helpful. There are many examples of how this plays out, too, which drives the point home. We should (to the extent that we are able) extend a helping hand to those who are bearing a crushing burden that they cannot carry themselves–if we want to, can do so without a sense of obligation, and have the resources to do so. None of us can meet every single need that we become aware of, though, even if those needs are legitimate. At the same time, if someone else merely has a desire that they would like us to fulfill, or they don’t want to take responsibility for something that they are, in fact, responsible for, it’s not our job to accommodate those desires. We can if we choose to freely, and have the resources to do so, and aren’t making an entitled monster of the other person in the process, but we are each responsible for our own wishes, needs, plans, and desires. When those lines get blurred, relationship problems ensue.

Very insightful and very helpful, particularly, I think, for women in the church.

My rating: *****